Water v. Water v. Water

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," thirsting for the big, broad, flexible outlook since 2005!

It's so hot outside I'm glad I'm not a Christian. But today seems like a good day to talk about water.

This is a contentious issue. Not on par with the president's performance, of course, but a good argument-starter nonetheless.

So, is it tap or bottle?

Some people say that ordinary tap water is great to drink. I see their point. It's subjected to strict sanitary standards, it's cheap, and it doesn't leave behind a stupid empty plastic container. However, having said that, I must add that the quality and taste of tap water differs substantially depending upon where you live. It's like air quality. Does everyone in America breathe the same air? Hack, cough cough! Yer askin somone who lives in Joisy?

If your tap water comes from underground aquifers, or you live in a region that lies atop sand (for example, Daytona Beach), you need never in your life buy a bottle of water. Better yet, buy one high end bottle of water and keep filling it from your tap. You'll be treated like a Republican without actually having to be one.

Steer clear of this stuff. It's tap water, the same tap water used in soft drinks. Yeah, it's safe and filtered, but gulp gulp, and you've got an empty plastic bottle.

Don't be fooled into thinking that all water is the same. Sadly, the best water in the world comes from Macedonia, Bosnia, Tasmania, and New Zealand. If you don't live near those places, go right ahead and boil up that water from the pond behind your house. It is better never to have tried Antipodes than to have tasted it and now have to be without it. Trust me. It tastes better than any other water. Really.

Finally, steer way clear of this stuff. It is bogus, bogus, bogus! If you want to taste it without shelling out $50 bucks a bottle, buy a portion of Stone Clear Springs water, chug it, and bling bling! (That's where Bling gets its water. The bottle must have been designed by Ann Coulter.)

Anne Johnson's last piece of free advice: That 8 glasses of water a day rot? OH PLEEEEZE! Drink when you're thirsty. Drink until you feel less thirsty. Stop drinking.

Aren't you glad you read this blog? Shouldn't everybody? Tee hee.

Beannachd leat,

THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS